Went to the doctor yesterday–all the news was good, in a way. I’m not getting better, but I’m not getting worse either. My infection indicator had sky-rocketed when the “little surprise” cropped up, but fell back down to where it was. We’re going to keep an eye on it, and if it stabilizes, I’ll get to shift to oral antibiotics instead of doing these IVs three times a day.
As my appointment was winding down, the doctor commented that I had such a good attitude about all this. She said she didn’t know what she would do if she had to go through months of illness.
And being the idiot that I am, I said, “I have no choice, and being a pain about it isn’t going to change anything.”
I beat myself up for that all the way home and periodically through the dark hours of the night. What kind of Christian am I? To God be the glory! I can do all things through Him who strengthens me! Why didn’t I say that?
Right now, more than any other time through history, we are supposed to be about the Lord’s work. These are the times that were prophesied. The seals are snapping open and the horses are beginning to ride. All over the world: war, death, economic distress, peace taken from the earth that people kill one another. While everyone goes about their daily business, the world is turning into Sodom and Gomorrah. Everything that is happening right now, God told us it would.
I hate to admit, but I haven’t been actively evangelical since college, so I don’t know whether my doctor is a Christian or not. Had I responded the way I should have, I’d know, but I didn’t.
And this isn’t the first time I’ve stolen glory from Him.
I have no earthly idea how He puts up with me. I don’t believe that diseases are put upon us as forms of punishment, but if it were true, I deserved it, and I’m surprised it’s so mild.
This morning, I opened my Bible with the intent of studying Isaiah 53, but God directed me to Isaiah 43 instead: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name. You are Mine” (vs 1), “And there is no one who can deliver you out of my hand” (vs 13).
The words hit my heart with unspeakable joy. How could I not cry? How could I not be humbled? I am redeemed! What a glorious thought! He loves me in spite of my stupid self, and I am His!
This Easter weekend, as I think of Him on the cross and think of His glorious resurrection, I can internalize the event. He did it for me. For stupid ol’ self-centered me, who can’t do even the simplest of His tasks right. He loves me, He redeemed me, He called me by my name. I am His and no one can snatch me from His grasp.