Half the time I have no clue what’s going on.

For the bulk of the summer, my computer has been running slower than a snail in a headwind, and I don’t know what to blame it on. Sunspots messing with the satellite? Atmospheric debris blocking the signal from HughesNet to my dish? The router? My computer itself?–and if it’s my computer, where would I start to find the problem?

I considered Ascentive Software’s Finally Fast or Mozilla’s Speed Up Your Computer, but got to thinking–yeah, they give you a free analysis of your computer, but since I’m such a techno-idiot that I don’t know where to look for the problem, they could tell me the Man in the Moon stole my “Hurry-It-Up, Mac!” program installed by the “who-knows?” over at Hewlett Packard, and I’d believe them.

Because, frankly, if I don’t know where to look, they could tell me anything just to get me to pay for the services. And if I did know where to look for the problem, I’d probably be able to fix it myself and wouldn’t need them, right?

Today my connection is working amazingly well, as if the cyber-god is giving me a reprieve from smacking my head against the desk. I can’t move fast enough as I race through all the things I need to do online today before that fickle deity plugs up the arteries of my service provider or speckles the sun with more spots or whatever the dickens is going on with this modern torture device.

But, while my connection is behaving, some of the programs–if they’re called “programs”–are going funky. IncrediMail has been sending all my Facebook and ACFW NovelTrack notices directly into the delete file (which I managed to fix for NovelTrack but not for Facebook). YahooMail took forever to download and wouldn’t allow me to send attachments last night. WordPerfect has been taking what seems like an eternity to open, OpenOffice lost an entire file–and neither of these require the internet to function. Neither does the program that burns info onto a CD, but my computer now announces that saving things to disk is “not a function.”

All the while, Norton and HP Health Center are telling me my computer is just hunky-dorey.

And today, I believe them. It’s working great. Maybe the sun shed its spots. Maybe the satellite has a clear shot to my HughesNet dish. Maybe the cyber-gods are just smiling upon me today. Whatever the story, I hope it lasts until my hair grows back out . . .

About Linda W. Yezak

Author/Freelance Editor/Speaker (writing and editing topics).
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3 Responses to Techno-Idiot

  1. Kat Connolly says:


    Have you tried installing Malware Bytes? They sometimes catch things that other antivirus softwares don’t. In addition, you could download HiJack This, run it and send me your .txt file. I can have it analyzed to see if you’ve been hijacked. Furthermore, have you run a cleanup and a defrag?

    My services are at your command! Email me if you need more help and I’ll walk you through. Sounds like you have a little gremlin running around in there!


    • Linda Yezak says:

      Kat, I have run a cleanup and a defrag (actually have a regular defrag scheduled), and to help increase my internet service speed, I frequently delete my browsing history on IE (which I’m convinced is just an aggravating, pain-in-the-backside browser).

      I don’t know what Malware Bytes are–is?–or HiJack This, or for that matter, how I’d send you the .txt file. Are they free internet downloads?

      Even though I’ve increased my memory in my laptop, it seems like every time I add a new program, I slow it down more.

      Today it’s working like a charm (so far), but next time it decides to be a pain, I’ll be sure to contact you–so I hope you really meant what you said about emailing you!


  2. Kat Connolly says:

    I am serious. When it happens next, email me and I’ll set up a doc to show you what to do. Won’t take long… for me, that is. 😀


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