Middle-Age Humor

My apologies to any of my readers who aren’t women over forty, but I just had to post this. My sister-in-law sent it to me in an email~~~
 
I’ve seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be . . . Puhleeeeeeeze! I’ve had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you’ll probably relate.
 
Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
 
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
 
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and see your rear without turning around.
 
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.
 
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, “Listen, honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too.” 
 
Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves, and we’re sitting on our biggest ones.
 
Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, cellphone carrying teenager and think, “For this I have stretch marks?” 
 
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water. 
 
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally–more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin/Michigan.
 
Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the “big” questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a healthy choice? 
 
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we’ve acquired.
That’s my philosophy and I’m sticking to it!
(Sounds like a good philosophy to me, too!)
 
Thanks to whoever wrote this~~~
 

About Linda W. Yezak

Author/Freelance Editor/Speaker (writing and editing topics).
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12 Responses to Middle-Age Humor

  1. This would be funny if it weren’t so true. And if I wasn’t pushing my luck. And if I wasn’t getting the upper lip waxed tomorrow.

    I do like the last line, though. 😉

    Like

    • pprmint777 says:

      True or not, I think it’s hilarious! But I’m still waiting for my leg hair to slow down its growth. ~~~ can’t believe I just wrote that. Being middle aged allows for all sorts of odd-ball conversation, doesn’t it?!

      Like

  2. cherilaser says:

    Thanks for the uplifting pick-me-up! (Tried to use all the most necessary words possible.)

    Since there’s nothing we can do to stop of any of this, it’s nice to be able to laugh about it.

    Like

  3. At least it’s not growing out my ears–yet.

    Like

    • pprmint777 says:

      Oh, please no! I thought that was a malady only men suffered! It’s bad enough that my eyes are getting too bad to see the whiskers growing on my chin, but ear-hair too???

      I blame Eve. She’s gonna have some ‘splainin’ to do when I get up there!

      Like

  4. Peggy Clement says:

    Such truth–and humor! Thanks, I can certainly relate!

    Like

  5. Lynn Mosher says:

    LOL! I loved it! Laughed through my tears! It’s true. Things either fall off or out, disappear, sag, wrinkle, or expand! Ugh! Even so, I like where I am. However, since my birthday is next Monday, it’s the last one I’m celebrating!

    Like

  6. K.M. Weiland says:

    Always good to know what I have to look forward to! 😉 I like the new look, BTW!

    Like

    • pprmint777 says:

      Thanks, Katie. I had so much stuff on the single sidebar that I needed to divide it into two. Believe me, though–this’ll take some getting used to!

      PS–there are tons of good things to look forward to, too. Not just the flabby upper arms that swing distractingly while you brush your thinning hair . . .

      Like

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