Verbal Deprivation

Authors are depriving themselves. I don’t know why, but for some reason, certain words and verb tenses have landed on someone’s “hit list,” and consequently have become taboo–to the detriment of clarity in our writing. I don’t know who that “someone” is or why anyone should pay attention to his opinion, but editors who understand grammar wisely ignore him.

One of the words currently cloaked in shame is “was.” To a certain extent, I understand this, but let’s take a look at it. One of these two sentences below is a sure-fire example of lazy writing. Guess which:

A.  As I watched, I realized he was strong as an ox.

B. When I saw him, he was sitting by Sally.

Gold star to whoever said A.

Past Continuous 

“He was strong as an ox” is telling, and adding the simile–especially a cliche–doesn’t help. That sentence is a sign of lazy writing. “As I watched, he lifted a one-ton Ford pickup with his bare hands” illustrates how strong he is and doesn’t contain a single “was.”

Example B, however, uses the past continuous (or past progressive) verb tense. It illustrates on-going action. To use simple past tense in this sentence changes the meaning: “When I saw him, he sat by Sally” means the main character watched him assume the seat beside Sally. “When I saw him, he was sitting by Sally” means he had already assumed the seat and was still there when the main character saw him.

Okay, granted, that seems like a fine line. The site edufind.com describes it better:

The past continuous describes actions or events in a time before now, which began in the past and was still going on at the time of speaking. In other words, it expresses an unfinished or incomplete action in the past.

It is used:

often to describe the background in a story written in the past tense, e.g. “The sun was shining and the birds were singing as the elephant came out of the jungle. The other animals were relaxing in the shade of the trees, but the elephant moved very quickly.”

to describe an unfinished action that was interrupted by another event or action: “I was having a beautiful dream when the alarm clock rang.”

Does that help clarify?

Past continuous is a valid verb tense and can’t help it if “was” is part of its make-up. Be discriminating about the “was” verbs you’re trying to obliterate from your work.

Past Perfect

Authors frequently write in past tense, but when they want to illustrate something that is further past in their story’s history than simple “past,” they should use the “past perfect” tense–which, unfortunately, is also on the hit list. This is another one I can understand to a certain extent. Reading that a character “had” done this and “had” done that through several paragraphs can be cumbersome, but leaving it out entirely can confuse the timeline in the reader’s mind.

If you’re doing a brief history, a brief backstory, use past perfect:

When she first got there, she had expected five-star treatment since she was a movie star.  Instead, she’d been treated as if she were no one special. Now, she realized they had given her special treatment–they’d treated her as if she were family.

As short as this is, the past perfect tense isn’t bothersome, and it helps to use contractions to cut down on the “hads.” To stretch this into several paragraphs of backstory, however, the past perfect tense would be a pain.

The secret is to ground your reader in the backstory by using past perfect in the first several lines and revert to past tense until the last several lines. Toward the end of the backstory, use past perfect again to cue the reader that you’re ending the backstory and preparing to re-enter “story present” (which, of course, is told in past tense. Can we get any more confusing?).

But the best thing to do with long backstory passages is to determine whether the reader really needs to know what you’re about to dump on her and whether there is a better way to present it–a topic better left to another post.

Don’t deprive yourself of the various verb tenses, which are some of the tools we authors have to present our stories, just because some nameless someone has declared war on certain words. “Had” and “was,” used in combination with other verbs, help to provide clarity in your work, and shouldn’t be shunned indiscriminately.

Two sites that can help tremendously with verbs are conjugation.com and edufind.comMake the most of ‘em!

 

About Linda Yezak

Author/Freelance Editor/Speaker (writing and editing topics).
This entry was posted in editing, Writing, Writing Tips and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Verbal Deprivation

  1. Bravo! There has been such stress in latter years upon killing the passive that it creeps into our brains and guilts us out, often unnecessarily. Overcoming that guilt is something I’ve been working on of late.

    Like this

  2. It is so lovely to have you back again, giving us your precious naggy writing reminders. Naggy is a good thing, Linda. Thanks.

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  3. Finally someone said it! And I’m not surprised it was you, Linda. The title grabbed my attention. Your tone was hilarious. I was laughing (that’s right–was laughing) out loud by the second sentence of the lead paragraph.

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  4. joannesher says:

    LOVE this. I’m also a grammar nerd, and this just made me all giggly inside.

    Like this

  5. Danie Marie says:

    The title grabbed me, too. Thanks for helping us not to feel so guilty! I hate that… Blessings ~ Danie

    Like this

  6. Pingback: Arbitrary Writing Rules, Meet Commonsense | Scienda Editorial

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